A good barrister knows the law; a great barrister knows the judge.


20 Reasons Why Chocolate is Better Than Sex

1. You can GET chocolate

2. You can safely have chocolate when you are driving

3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft

4. If you bite the nuts too hard it won't mind

5. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to

6. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother

7. "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate

8. Chocolate doesn't leave a nasty after taste

9. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate

10. You can have chocolate on top of your desk without upsetting your workmate

11. Chocolate doesn't answer back

12. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped

13. You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate

14. With chocolate there's no need to fake it

15. Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant

16. You can have chocolate at any time of the month

17. Good chocolate is easy to find

18. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle

19. When you have chocolate it doesn't keep your housemates awake

20. With chocolate size doesn't matter, its always good!


(with thanks to David for the following jokes)

This year I am buying my daughter the new "Divorced Barbie".
It's great value for money.
It comes with all Ken's accessories!

My six year old daughter actually wanted Barbie and GI-Joe.
I explained to her that "Barbie comes with Ken not GI-Joe".
She said "No Daddy, Barbie comes with GI-Joe, she fakes it with Ken".


A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park.
What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of
Fear, everything there was! Wow!

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down.
Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a
refreshing chocolate milk shake.

Then it was off to a movie, the latest Disney - "Finding Nemo", a hot dog, popcorn, Coke, and Maltesers.
What a fabulous adventure!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked:
"Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"
One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."

The moral of this story:
Even when the man is listening, he's still going to get it wrong.